What's so scary about a baby?

A while back I had to explain to my husband exactly what makes it difficult sometimes to be around our friends and family with babies, toddlers or those who are pregnant. It was difficult for him to understand why family dinners, birthday parties, and other gatherings were not particularly enjoyable for me. I've been told that I didn't have to be around the baby if I didn't want to or if it would be too hard. Let me explain myself on this topic...The baby isn't what is difficult to be around. The precious, innocent, adorable little baby is not the hard part. I've told my friends that we will babysit any time. I could sit and hold a baby all day long! But at the same time, there are some times that holding someone else's newborn can be tough. What is difficult is that as I'm smiling while holding someone else's adorable, precious little baby, inside I feel heartbroken that it isn't my adorable, precious little baby. Despite this feeling, I still love holding a precious little one. Who doesn't?! I have to get my baby snuggles in where I can! Getting back to what I was saying before, it's not the baby that's difficult to be around, it is all the people going crazy over the baby. It's the parents, grandparents, friends, family, etc. that make every baby sound, baby movement or anything otherwise baby the topic of conversation and go crazy over it. It's the constant photo snapping, baby passing and conversation interrupting (to comment on what cute action is happening now) during get togethers that is difficult to be around. I get that this is how it is and it's what is normal, but that doesn't make it easier to be around. I know that when we have children it will be this way with friends and family, but right now, sometimes I just have to avoid these get-togethers and social gatherings on days when I know I can't put on the happy face and deal with it. I'm happy for our friends that are expecting, but I still have a difficult time hearing about doctor's appointments, baby kicks, or preparations for pending arrivals. Unfortunately, this is kind of the typical topic of conversation these days among friends as I am now more of the minority being without kids or expecting one currently. So yes, on days when I can't put on a happy face, I will bow out of social gatherings that put me in these uncomfortable scenarios. But as we keep moving forward in our journey towards having a family, I am moving to a level of acceptance. I do still get frustrated and sad obviously, which are totally normal emotions for this experience, but I've come to accept where we are with everything and what we may have to do to move forward. This acceptance should help me move forward sharing in other people's journeys to have families or with those who already have them, without feeling too upset or emotional being around it. This conversation and sharing these emotions with my husband was a great day for me. It felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders since he could finally see it from my perspective and truly understand why I said certain things or acted certain ways with family and friends. You don't get it until you are in the shoes that experience it, which was true for me before this all started. A week ago I had a great conversation with a close girlfriend who is also trying to have a baby. It was nice to hear that my emotions are shared by others and reaffirmed what I already knew, that it's okay to be mad, sad, pissed off, jealous, hopeless and many other things. It's all part of it and there's nothing wrong with all of us women on this journey feeling and expressing those emotions. It doesn't mean we need therapy or drugs to manage them. We need friends who are willing to listen, support from friends, family, and other women in the same situation, and faith.