Vacations

November is a vacation month for myself and my husband.  2 very different types of vacation to be exact.  We'll start with the literal vacation: a family trip to Mexico.  I'm sure many will find it hard to believe, but for the past 9 months (since the vacation plans were set in stone and dates were decided), I have had mixed emotions about vacation.  No it is not that I don't need a vacation.  Who doesn't need a trip to Mexico?!  No, it is not that I don't want to go.  Of course I do!  And no, it is not that I don't want to spend time with family.  Yes, I do want to do this as well.  For me, the mixed emotions come from something much deeper.  When the dates were set 9 months ago, it was the week I miscarried.  In my mind, had I not had a miscarriage, I would not be going on this vacation.  I know, I know...I just to get over it, right?  So every month since miscarriage #1 and then #2 the following month in April we have been hoping and praying for another chance for a successful pregnancy.  It is very difficult to find happiness in day to day activities and even special occasions like birthdays, holidays, vacations when a person goes through stress and sadness month after month.  So for me, I had to find a way to move on and get over the fact that it is what it is.  Finally come mid-summer with still no pregnancy I came to the realization that we would definitely be going.  Again, mixed emotions.  On one hand this is great news because that means time with family and a week long getaway to tropical paradise.  But again, that lingering "what if" has been in the back of my mind.  But, Sunday night I woke up in the middle of the night, like I typically do, and felt a sudden feeling of excitement and anticipation.  That feeling you get when you are going to do something really exciting, like go on vacation.  I told my husband on Monday, the next day, that I was finally excited for vacation.  Everyone knows that feeling of anticipation and excitement.  I had told my family I would get there but that he and I both needed time.  No we weren't feeling ready or excited for the past 9 months since it has been planned.  But to us, with the stress of work, car purchases, car accidents, and of course...infertility, we were not in a place mentally or emotionally to get pumped for a vacation months away.  I am happy to say we have made it there!  Better late than never right?!

So moving on to our second vacation of sorts.  The vacation away from "trying." Unfortunately vacation and mother nature together won't allow for us to "try" again  this month, which is difficult.  People also offer the advice to "take some time off...see what happens." Typically that approach does nothing when you have fertility problems.  It is just a whole month lost in a sense.  Despite all this, I have decided to look at the bright side of this and look at it like a vacation from the emotional stress and all hormones, etc that come with monthly treatments. I have decided to take a month to enjoy the things that I have restricted myself from for the past several months, as suggested by various physicians.  Things like coffee and alcohol mostly.  Oh yeah, and exercise.  I took it easy, which I hate doing.  So this month they are back!!  I also decided to look at it as a month that we can save money, and a month with no drugs, lab work, appointments.  No getting pinched, poked, probed!  I'm glad to have found a bright side to help myself move on and get ready for vacation!  So let the vacations begin!!